How to Handle the Micromanager, Part 2

 Last week I started writing about the problem of having a micro-manager as your boss.  If you missed it, you can find it HERE.  As with most situations, I asked you to look into the mirror first.  Is your boss a micromanager or are they just managing you?  I asked you do to a self-assessment of your skills to come up with an answer.  If you conducted an honest self-assessment and determined that your boss really is micromanaging, then this part is for you.

 Leading Up

Leading up is having a courageous conversation with your boss about the way they manage you.    I must give the disclaimer that Leading Up does not always work.  So why bother?  The alternative is to live with a situation that drives you crazy, creates stress, and robs you of the satisfaction of doing a good job (something we all want to do and be recognized for, right?) The key concept in Leading Up is that the conversation should be centered on your boss’s behavior and not their personality (having made this mistake too many times myself, I feel I cannot stress this enough).  The idea is to bring attention to their behavior, the way it makes you feel, and the impact it has on your job satisfaction and productivity.

 Leading Up involves three parts; respect, examples of specific behaviors, and emotional regulation.  Let’s look at each one, briefly.

1. Respect- First things first, respect your boss's time. Ask him if you can schedule some time to discuss the issue. Work around his schedule and show up on time and prepared to discuss the issue.  Turn off your cell phone and thank him for taking the time to meet with you. Smile. Seriously, smiling is one of those non-verbal behaviors that almost always results in a return smile.  Saying thank you for taking the time to meet, acknowledging your boss's busy schedule, and smiling at him will start the conversation in a positive manner.  You are about to give your boss a form of negative feedback.  This must be done delicately and with the utmost respect in order to be effective.  L

 Language is important, how we say something is often more important than what we say.  Try to focus less on “you” messages and more on “I” messages.  For example, instead of saying “You drive me crazy every time you ask me for an hourly update.”  Try this instead, “I feel undervalued and distracted when I have to produce hourly reports. When I am distracted it takes time to refocus and impacts my productivity." This takes the language of blame off your boss and focuses the conversation on how you feel and how it affects your performance.  No matter how the conversation ends be sure to thank him for taking the time to hear your point of view.

2. Behavior- Do not make the discussion one of personality or character flaws. Cite specific examples of your boss’s behavior that you feel is inappropriate for your level of competence. It might sound something like this,  “In the last week I have been asked to submit progress reports twice each day.  From my perspective, this feels redundant since all this information is captured in the weekly report I generate.  I spend an hour each day to send the progress reports, that is five hours a week.  I'd like to spend those five hours towards our goal of…".  In this case, you are citing the behavior of your boss while also showing what effect it has on your output. Notice there is no language like, “You’re riding me.”, “I need you to stop breathing down my neck.”, or “You’re such a micromanager, give me some space!”  While these statements might make you feel better in the short term, they will most likely not result in a change in behavior from your boss.  Her defensive shields will go up and your comments will bounce right off them. 

3. Stay calm- emotional regulation is a facet of emotional intelligence. You will probably be nervous going into the situation after all nobody likes conflict. Take a few deep breaths to calm and center yourself.  It is probable that your boss will say things that will cause you to feel angry or at least apprehensive.  The first step to beware of an issue is to become aware of the issue. Be aware of cues from your body that you are entering the agitated/anger zone also known as the stress response.  Such cues might be your ears burning, face becoming flush, and/or your palms becoming sweaty.  Don't panic, the fact that you are looking for these things is the first step in preventing the stress response from hijacking the conversation.  Breathing is key.  I know it sounds elementary but focusing on your breathing will help keep you calm.  Remember you want the conversation to be respectful, about the micromanaging behavior from your boss, and deliver in a calm manner. 

Keep an open mind. Your boss might bring up your own behaviors and try to turn the conversation around on you (a common reaction when he feels threatened).  Don’t let your defensive shields go up and shut down the conversation.  Take a breath and acknowledge her point.  Notice I didn’t say you had to agree with her point, but simply acknowledge it and move the conversation forward.  Take note of it to consider, is she correct?  If so, you might have to reconsider your self-assessment. 

Micromanaging is really about perspective.  You feel competent in your job performance.  Your boss, on the other hand, feels your performance is sub-par which is why he constantly makes corrections or strong suggestions.   Leading up, having a courageous conversation, is the way to gain clarity on how your perspective differs from that of your boss.  

If you follow these guidelines, chances are you will have brought some behaviors to your boss’s attention that he was not aware of.  You also might gain some insights on how your behavior is not meeting the expectations your boss has for you. Either way, you should be one step closer to opening an ongoing dialogue between you and your boss.  Good luck and let me know how you do!

Thanks for reading my blog. If you enjoyed this article, please share with someone who could also benefit from reading it and be sure to leave a comment.  I’ll also send you a copy of my free report, The 7 Mistakes Most Leaders Make.  Until next week, remember, soft skills lead to hard results.